I was angry with myself for wasting so much time online. I was also feeling guilty about not maintaining my blog in the way I felt it should be maintained. The one thing people never tell you when you start a blog is the commitment required to maintain it. Putting my own domain name on it, and paying money for it, certainly made the guilt just a bit more intense. So I walked away. I set it to private so the world couldn’t see my failure any more. I turned off the domain, exported my content, then emptied the blog of everything and left it. I told myself I would just write in my journal. I had a lot of questions too, the biggest being what was my ultimate purpose in trying to keep that blog going? I craved attention and felt guilty for it.
But in the weeks since then I’ve thought a lot about walking away. And now I’m back, here. Tumblr makes me feel less of a commitment. I don’t have to cater to an audience. I can throw whatever I want up here, whenever I want, and feel OK with that. If I get an audience that is great. If not that is OK too. But I want to share things with the world. We are social beings and this is just one way of sharing.
The one thing I still feel guilty about is erasing the content on my old blog that people referenced all the time. I can’t tell you the number of hits I received on an article about setting up Google Calendar with an iPhone. This is years after I stopped using Google Calendar and after Google made their own documentation very easy to find. There were still people referencing my article and thanking me. To those people I apologize but thats the ephemeral nature of the web I guess.
I had also deactivated my Twitter account with the intent of staying away forever but that was such an overreaction to my emotions that I feel silly about it now. I was running away from uncomfortable feelings. That wasn’t the answer. It will be a matter of finding the proper boundaries for how I use Twitter but use Twitter I will. I simply refuse this time to try to have conversations there. It simply isn’t possible and it’s the most exasperating aspect of Twitter. Even that though isn’t a reason to abandon it.
So, here I am, now on Tumblr and thoroughly enjoying the platform. The simplicity of it is refreshing and I’m looking forward to sharing here.